Ep 5 | Why We Overcommit + How to Stop
If you've ever struggled with overcommitting (we all have! or at least know someone who's stuck in this) you know it causes stress, broken commitments, over promising and underdelivering, and can often result in you having a lot of responsibilities that are misaligned with your priorities. You end up spreading yourself too thin and not making progress on what matters. This can all lead to hopelessness and burnout.
We talk about some of the root reasons WHY we overcommit and HOW to change this pattern so that you can increase your quality of work and relationships, while running your business and prioritizing your family and what matters most to you. If you're craving more balance and more fulfillment in all areas of your life, this episode is for you!
Let's start with the five reasons WHY we overcommit.
Pride: We all have levels of pride and one reason we would be overcommitting out of pride is because we think we can do it all - and we can't. And we also think that nobody else can do it the way I can do it - and that can be true on some level, but other people CAN do things and it's not work sacrificing every area of our lives because we feel like we are the glue holding everything together. We don't always place the same demands on others as we do on ourselves, so we'll tell everyone else that they don't have to do it all, but then we expect something different from ourselves.
Love of money: Many don't have their priorities straight and then even for those of us who do, we can fall into that trap of thinking we need more money than we actually do, or coveting things and desiring what we don't really need, instead of trusting that God will provide and meet all of our needs. It can be a trap when we have real responsibilities, real bills, real groceries to buy, real gas to buy - which is extra relevant right now - and so we justify it by telling ourselves I need this money to provide for my family, but sometimes it could be that we just need to cut out some of our expenses. This goes back to bookkeeping and budgeting and managing our finances well.
Fear of man: We fear what others will think so we don't say "no" when we need to. Many have a deep fear of rejection and they will avoid it at all costs. The funny thing about fear is that the things we fear most don’t even come true - usually we won’t be rejected just because we said no to something.
We may also be afraid of putting a burden on someone else so to keep someone from being stressed or overwhelmed, we'll take it all and say yes to everything as if we're superwoman and at the end of the day everyone gets 1% because we're split in so many different directions. But this has a trickle down affect into your whole family and is detrimental to your soul.
Guilt: We don't want to let others down. We want to bear one another's burdens but false guilt can creep in. Guilt that leads to repentance is good but guilt out of obligation or fear others or our own selfish desire to be portrayed in a certain way is not guilt that we want to be in bondage to.
Ignorance: We don't know how to manage our time well so we take on more than we can do. This is a big one. It can be fixed with better time-management and implementing productivity practices which we love speaking on. Managing our time well changes everything. We don't get to stay in our ignorance; once we're presented with truth we are responsible to act on it. We can't just say "this is how I am". We have to change.
The Truth:
The truth is we are not infinite. We are finite and we cannot do it all. The problem isn't that you're failing at something you should be able to accomplish, but that we have wrong thinking. The demands we put on ourselves are unreasonable. We can't do it all because we are not God - the infinite, sovereign King of glory. It is freeing to know God knows we are not infinite and we are not expected to do all things.
We live in a world that tells us the opposite of this. And we're working really hard at somehow proving ourselves, earning merit, status, more money - and it's all self-focused and it deceives, making us go in circles, is exhausting and doesn't bear the fruit we would expect it to bear. We have to remember the truth - which is the opposite message of the world. It's a shallow lie that we have to pursue these vain things. We can work mightily unto the Lord and for His glory which is a light burden not a heavy burden that leaves us feeling hopeless and in burnout.
The Solution:
Faithfulness can mean doing a few things really well, focusing on fewer commitments, and not trying to be as productive as the other boutique owner or mother or whomever you may be comparing yourself to. We are supposed to work hard, but we don't want to sacrifice quality work and relationships because we’re doing too much.
Learn to say no, or no thank you, or have you checked with this other person who may be able to help you? When we can see our unhealthy patterns we can make the changes. Remember what is available to you when you have the willingness to make the healthy changes.
Know the difference between a season and an unhealthy pattern. There are busy seasons where there's more to do, but if you are constantly living in overwhelm and overworked will be detrimental to your soul and the souls of your children. When we try to champion the world in our own strength and carry it all in our own strength, we will fail. Even if it takes years, things will eventually crack if you cannot get your commitments and priorities in order and lighten the load on yourself and focus on what's most important.
There's freedom in knowing when and being able to say yes because we've said no to other things. It's not a selfish or self-focused thing, but walking in a more balanced way where we're not in either ditch of extreme overcommitment or extreme selfishness where we say no to everything and be a hermit.
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